Date: June 2004
In June Twickenham holds its annual summer festival, the highlight of which is a Dragon Boat race down the Thames. Local businesses and community groups put together teams of 12, and make up the crews.
Not wanting to miss any chance of sporting glory, Assanka clubbed together with local law firm Stone Rowe Brewer Solicitors to create a team of extraordinary... variety. Still, the enthusiasm was what counted, and we had plenty of that.
In the heats we drew the Teddington sea scouts, who have an average age of about twelve, and almost beat us. Still, too happy at victory to be concerned with underachievment, we moved swiftly on to the Eel Pie Island Residents Association, who we thrashed by a length and a half.
Semi finals time, and we were starting to feel the heat (it was mid-afternoon). Checking the scoreboard, we were amazed to find that another sea-scout group had managed to get through their heat and a quarter final and were now drawn against us in the semis. Knowing now that we couldn't underestimate the power-to-weight ratio of the average sea scout, we concentrated all our energies into preparing for a real sprint. They held us to the line, but we just nabbed the first place.
Goodness, and here we were in the final, where we were facing the Harlequins Rugby Club. Their boat was perceptibly lower in the water than ours, but in terms of sheer horsepower they had us seriously outclassed. We padddled out to the start line, trying to think positive. The final race was announced by the commentator, a DJ from local radio who didn't seem to be able to see much of the course but wasn't letting that curb his enthusiasm. On the whistle, we let rip, and gave it everything in the final dash for the finish.
"And they're off!" screamed the commentator, fifteen seconds into the race, but there was no confusion to be found on our boat. We'd got ourselves perfectly synchronised for the first time and we were flying. So were Harlequins. As we crossed the finish line, I had no idea who had won, and neither did the DJ from local radio. "Er, we're just waiting for confirmation on that one, I think it was number 1, though it might have been number 2..."
A moment later it was confirmed, and we were declared the worthy victors of the day.
The photo at the top of this article shows Assanka director Andrew Betts accepting the trophy from famous Twickenham resident Trevor Baylis (the inventor of the clockwork radio), wearing a shirt that ought to be outlawed by international treaty.